Monday's Musings - Time is a Double-Edged Sword

Time is a double-edged sword. 

At least when it comes to healing after a loss.

As many of you know, I lost both my mom and father-in-law two weeks apart in May. It's definitely been one of the hardest seasons of my life. 

But it's not the first time I've suffered loss. I miscarried twice. One of those was about halfway through my pregnancy. 

So loss is an old friend. We all have losses. Some, harder than others. 

But I learned something odd about time. It really is a double-edged sword. 

We know the expression, "Time heals all wounds."

There is definitely some wisdom in that. I lost my last grandparent when I was in the sixth grade. At the time, it was so painful. But I can talk about her now without crying. Does that mean I don't miss her? No. It just means I've adjusted to life without her. 

The same with my miscarriages. The loss never goes away. But it does get easier to handle. And, when it's in perspective, I can comfort other women as I have been comforted. 

So the farther away from pain, the easier it is to deal with the loss. 
I know that's coming for me. Losing my mom will always hurt. But my grief will become manageable. 

But that's where the other side of time comes in. 

When I lose someone, I want time to stand still so I can be as close to the one I lost as possible. 

I don't want to forget mom's voice, her smile, her quirks. 

I want to remember her faith, her love, her encouragements. 

As time passes, though, I will forget some things. 
And as much as I don't want to admit it, that's really okay. 

I'm learning to trust God that I will remember what I need to. 
That mom taught me all she needed to. 
That God will care for me through these losses.

As much as I want time to stand still and hurry along simultaneously, the solution to the quandary is to trust God. 

That He will help me through. 

Through all the holidays that are coming. 

Through all the anniversaries.

Through all the hard times.  

Because I've walked this journey before.
And He's brought me this far.

He's not going to abandon me now. 

This I know. 

May you find God's grace in your life today. 

And may you remember God's grace from your past. 

Mary