9.02.2013

Monday's Musings - My New Normal


I'm living a "new normal."

It's not one I would have chosen, but here it is. 

I knew it was coming. 

Sort of. At least part of it. 

I'm learning to live without my father-in-law. And without my mom.

He had pulmonary fibrosis and was under hospice care. For almost a year. He shocked everyone by living so long. Especially hospice.... We were blessed to have so much time with him.  

I will always cherish his words of love and encouragement he spoke to me when I spent time caring for him. He was humble, quirky and loving. He was Pap Pap. I miss him.

It goes without saying how much I miss my mom. Her death was unexpected. 

My brain still has trouble processing everything. 

And so I find myself living in this "new normal". 

Again, it's not of my choosing. 

But I had a friend talking with me. She told me to write down things I was thankful for. And to look for how God works in this new normal. 

I have a much closer relationship with my daddy. We talk frequently. He was much quieter on the phone when mom was here. He deferred to her. That's my dad. Sacrificial. So now we have a new relationship. 

My marriage has been strengthened. My husband isn't a crier. But I am. My hubby knows I need to cry even if he doesn't. When I try to hold it in, he holds me and tells me to grieve. To let it out. That's good advise. We can't stuff grief. It only makes it worse. 

I'm learning to trust God to provide. 

My mom and I were in the middle of some conversations. Because my father-in-law was dying and we knew it, I was talking with my mom about how she handled her parent's deaths. I was in the sixth grade when her mom passed away. I was too young to talk with her back then. So I wanted to glean wisdom from my mom. To learn from her life. But then, she was gone. 

I was devastated. My rock was gone. We hadn't finished the conversation. 

Then, in two weeks, my father-in-law was gone. 

But in the midst of my sorrow, God whispered my name. He asked if I trusted Him. 

I realized I needed to trust Him. His timing. His wisdom. His love. 

So, I said out loud, "I trust you that Mom taught me everything she needed to teach me."

Then I asked God to fill in for her. You only get one mom. No one can replace her. But God can take care of me better than my mom did. And I'm learning that. It's also part of my new normal. 

While my new normal is fairly well defined, yours may not be. You may not even realize you have a "new normal". 

But my prayer for you is that you trust God with your situation. Ask him to provide for you where you are lacking. To send you people to love and encourage you. 

Say out loud that you trust him. 

And let me know how God works! 

With love, 
Mary


10 comments:

  1. Mary, I hardly know what to say. But your words help. And I pray comfort for you, and the Lord's presence as you walk through each new normal day.

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    1. Robin, a few years ago I told my mom I didn't think I could handle life as well as she did. (In reference to her major stroke.) She told me that I didn't need to handle it. God hadn't asked it of me. But if he did ask it of me, he would give me the grace then....

      I'm hanging on to that now. God has asked something very hard of me. But I have to trust he will get me through. It isn't easy. And your prayers are much appreciated.

      But God will get you through what you're going through.

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  2. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I'm glad you've found the good that is there too.

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    1. Thanks Lisa. I am grateful to see God work. :)

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  3. Sorry for your loss Mary. I know what you mean by letting Him care for you. It is neat to see how God cares for us and how He sends people to comfort us:) The "new normal" is not fun. I have a friend that just lost her 18 year old son in a car wreck. I can't imagine that new normal. I'm looking forward to a day when we don't have to worry about that because we will be with HIM in Heaven!! Much love, ~Judy

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    1. Let your friend talk about her son to you as much as she wants! You will be a blessed friend if she knows she can talk with you and you will listen. Don't even worry about saying the "right" thing. Just listen to her.....

      I agree with you Judy. One day, there will be no more tears. What a blessed day that will be!

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  4. A very important post. I've given it a Google+1. God bless!

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    1. Thanks Tina. I'm thankful God can use everything in our lives.

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  5. Hang in there, and thanks for sharing your experiences with us here. Sometimes writing and sharing helps .... you can be great in a new normal eventually....
    Diane

    http://kramersboardingcall.blogspot.com/2013/08/when-do-you-live-best-time-of-your-life.html#.UiX0T7y862w

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  6. I am so sorry to hear of your losses, Mary. I read your mom's story before, but didn't have the tie in to your father-in-law. It really must be a tough time for you. And I am glad you are finding ways to deal with it and still the beauty of life... without...

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