Monday's Musings - Waves of Grief

This past week our family got to go on vacation.

Boy, did we need it. 

After two funerals, a wonderful wedding and two surgeries in 4 months, our family needed some time to unplug from the daily grind and be restored. 

We headed to the beach. 

It was awesome. 

We built a sandcastle. 

Just enjoyed relaxing. 

I haven't actually been swimming in the ocean in years. But I did last week. It was calm and wonderful for a couple of days. 

I even stayed out so long I got sunburned. Haven't done that in years either! 

Some nice skim board action going on...

We took some toys. A skim board and some boogie boards. 

Our youngest used the skim board when the waves were flatter. 

My husband and our boys used the boogie boards when the surf was rougher. 

The ocean wasn't calm every day. 

Having fun with the boogie boards! 

It was constantly changing. 

One of those days, my youngest got body slammed on the boogie board from some pretty rough waves. The wave crested, then dropped him a few of feet and he went under. He wasn't expecting it and didn't have a good breath of air to hold. 

He said he was afraid he was going to drown. It really scared him. 

My husband decided it was too rough at that point and they headed back to the beach house. 

Then I realized I was watching my life being played out. 

My life is constantly changing. 

Some days are nice and calm. Others, not so much. 

Yesterday, for some unknown reason, I got body slammed by life. 

The grief I'm going through came up behind me, crested and body slammed me. I felt like I was going to drown. 

But have you ever noticed when you're in the water that if you know a big wave is coming, you can dive into it to get through it?

That's counter intuitive. Yet, it works. Watch surfers if you don't believe me. 

And that's as counter intuitive as some advise that I've gotten recently about grieving. This comes from someone who has had some pretty intense grief. 

She said, "Lean into the grief when it comes."

But watching the waves made it make sense. It's still scary. I'd rather get out of the ocean than be pushed around by the waves. But that's not an option with life. 

We can create pockets of quiet, pockets of calm. But we can't stop the pain or pressures of life. 

We may think leaning into grief means we'll be totally overwhelmed and never find our way back out. 

But stuffing or avoiding grief doesn't work. 


So, last night, I cried. A lot. 

I'm still sad today, but that's okay. I'm missing some pretty special people. 

But I know I'm going to get through this. God has promised not to leave me. He never promised to stop the waves. He will be there for me. 

And he gave me an awesome example of this this past week. My son got back in the water. And had a blast on another day. 

More good days are coming for me. I know this now. 

For that, I am grateful.