For the past month or so, I've been really thinking about what I want to do differently this year than last year.
Last year, I focused on my daughter and her knee surgeries. She's finally on the other side of all the surgeries and getting stronger. She's been accepted to the university of her choice and her life is finally moving forward in a great way. I'm grateful this chapter of our lives is closing. So is she!
She needed my attention and I'm happy I could be there for her. But now it's time to shift my focus and energy. I willingly put other things on the back burner for her. It's exciting to move forward as my daughter does as well.
Because I put some things on the back burner for several months, like my writing, photography and blogging, I've had a chance to evaluate life without them. To think about how to get started again. To consider where to put my priorities going forward.
To my surprise, I found it easy to put things aside. Of course, that's because the priority was my daughter.
But even more surprising is that I found myself a little afraid to start writing and putting more effort into my photography business.
Notice I said I was afraid.
I wasn't expecting fear. But maybe, actually, I was. These fears have followed me for a while.
Is there a fear of failure? Sure. Who wants to have your novel rejected or have someone say that your photography skills are lacking? Not me! Although it's already happened.
But the irony is, that as I've thought about my writing and photography, I realize there's a fear of success too. Could I handle it? Would it show me to be incompetent?
I also have a fear that what I do has to be perfect or I shouldn't even try.
As a creative person, I've found that I'm not really alone. Other creatives struggle in this area too.
So, do I just try to become fearless? Just fake it until I make it?
That's a definite NO.
I've realized that what I need is courage, not fearlessness.
My fears won't just go away. I can't just fake it till I make it.
But I can have the courage to face my fears, and act anyway, in spite of my feelings.
That's why my one word for this year is courage.
Courage to stand up to my fears and face them. Not let them dictate what I do or won't do.
I'm excited. This is a new attitude for me. I don't want to let the fear of failure, of the past, of not being perfect, or of possibly being successful stand in my way.
I want to face this year with courage, knowing that God is the one who will give me the strength to face whatever comes. The one who's prompting me to start writing again. To do more with my photography. To blog more consistently.
I'll let him take care of the details of what comes from my efforts.
As I stand up to my fears, I may very well become fearless.
But for now, I'm called to be courageous. And I'm good with that.
What are some areas in your life where you struggle with fears? How did you overcome them?
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